The C Word

From the moment of my diagnosis, I felt a strong calling to share my experience. ”The C Word” was my initial post to my social accounts, inviting my little corner of the internet to follow me in my journey. This was my message…

Introduction: THE C WORD

My name is Kaitlyn Costello Fain. I am 37 years old and have just been diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, also known as Breast Cancer. It’s taken me a while to process this, to even allow the “C” word to pass through my lips. But this is where I am, and this is my “new normal.” But how did I get here?

Summer in Princeton: A Rebirth

This summer was spent in Princeton, performing with the music festival there. After a few years away from the MainStage to raise my kids, this was the perfect opportunity to get my feet wet again as I pursue a continued career in opera. I wish there was a way to explain the joy and gratitude I felt for this rebirth into my craft. It’s like every fiber of my being was saying, “Thank you! You are where you are meant to be.”

The only downside was being away from my kids for an extended period. We planned for them to join me up north after two weeks, to see the shows and explore Princeton and NYC. You may be wondering, “What does this have to do with the diagnosis?” Well, everything.

A Deeper Connection with Myself

Knowing I’d have more downtime away from my kids, I took this opportunity to reestablish a relationship with myself through meditation and prayer. I prayed and practiced meditation 2-3 times a day throughout the contract and was amazed at the level of presence, gratitude, and intuitive thinking that was unlocked within me. Back home after the summer’s adventures, I continued this practice, and it ultimately saved my life.

The Discovery

One week after returning home, I awoke with my fingertips pinching a pea-sized pebble in my chest wall. In my half-conscious state, I forgot about it and hopped in the shower. As the water fell down my body, the memory of this early morning discovery came back to me. Why was my hand there? It felt like my inner consciousness was showing me a target point that needed immediate attention. But the signs didn’t stop there.

During the summer, even before my own discovery, my mom had a recurring dream. It was a message from my grandmother, Portia Cotter, saying, “It’s on the left side! Check the left side!” When I explained to my mom that I would be going in for a mammogram/ultrasound because I found a few atypical spots on my left side, her dream finally made sense. (Cue the “Close Encounters” theme song, right?)

Guidance and Support

Throughout this quick diagnosis process, God has placed the right people in front of me and guided me through each step.

A few weeks before the discovery/diagnosis, I went out for dinner with my best friends Caroline and Marilyn. A lovely couple stopped by our table to say hello, having gone to school with Caroline. In the moment, I thought nothing more of it. But fast forward to today, and that lovely man is my oncologist, Dr. Patel.

After going for the mammogram/ultrasound, it was clear that my next step would be needle biopsies on three locations: two tumors and an irregular lymph node. This was scheduled for a few days after my son’s 5th birthday party. This led me to the next beautiful human on this life-saving journey. One of Ollie’s best buddies from school came to his birthday party with his mom, Mio. At the moment, I had no idea she was a cancer surgeon. But later that week, as Caroline and I were searching for the best cancer surgeons, her picture popped up on the screen, and I instantly recognized her. She will be performing my double mastectomy on my birthday, September 20th.

Facing the Challenge Together

This may be the most challenging thing Chris and I have ever had to face, but we are facing it together. I refuse to let this break me, or us, and I believe this is a new beginning. An opportunity to grow. An opportunity to be more compassionate.

Chris and I have decided to catalog images throughout this process because beauty can still be found where the pain is the deepest. These images will be raw and exposed at times, but the intention is to educate and inspire hope.

Conclusion

Thank you for joining me on this journey. Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and while this diagnosis is a significant challenge, it is also an opportunity to deepen my connection with myself and others. Stay tuned as I continue to share my story, and remember, you are not alone.

Feel free to adjust any part of this to better fit your voice and message!

@TheKateFain and @TheChrisFain